Recently I was discussing with some friends our husband woes. Come on girls, you all have them. I know your husbands are wonderful most of the time, but let's get real.
Everyone has different lives and different circumstances. My question is, what do you consider support? How does your husband support you? How should a husband support his family? This could go either or all ways (financial, emotional, domestic, etc.) it depends on how one interprets support. Which is most important to you?
I'm not asking for any specific reason other than to strike up a conversation and see what the status quo is for a typical marriage these days. And for the one guy out there that reads my blog, I would like to know your feelings on this too, from a husbands perspective. And ladies, go ahead and get your spouses opinion as well, I would love to hear what they all have to say. Although, if it's going to start something, let's just keep it to ourselves.
8 comments:
Oh wow! What a topic of discussion. I've had your blog up for a few hours, went to bed thinking about it (yes, with all I have to think about) and tried to talk to my husband about it who kept falling asleep. I couldn't fall asleep so I came back out to write some thoughts. I think in marriage there are sooooo many ways that we have to support each other! Garry said he was grateful that I support him in his job. I told him I didn't know if putting up with and supporting were the same thing. :) But seriously, things aren't always easy or great in our marriage, we've had to work hard at it. I think the more life changes we experience the more we have to adjust because our experiences change us just a little. This became very evident to me about 6 weeks ago when we got into a little tiff over something stupid. I realized (and had to explain to Garry) that because of the changes in my life in the last year (quitting my job, having twins, moving, etc.) I've changed and he needed to be sensitive to that. I think Garry supports me by trying to listen to me (although that can be a challenge in itself.) He obviously is supporting financially our family now (I sometimes worry I'll have to go back to work, although I'm hoping I can spend the next few years at home.) He also supports our family spiritually. Last Sunday I got so mad at Ellie because she wouldn't let me do her hair for church and we were late. She was crying, I was yelling. Garry calmly suggested we say a prayer and I felt so guilty! But he helped put things into perspective that way. He also is finally figuring out how much I need his help around the house. I think having twins helped him realize that he can't come home and sit on the couch, but that I need help with baths, bed, dishes, etc. He is getting better at that which makes me thrilled since I use to do EVERYTHING around the house, be a mom, and work! The last thing that Garry mentioned before dozing off was that humor helps. There are times (especially lately) where one or both of us are so uptight from stress of work and family that we forget to laugh! He's always made me laugh, but sometimes we find ourselves getting too serious. On and off for the last few years we've gotten in "Scrubs" moods. We've bought all the seasons and at night (especially when we need to relax) we'll watch 2 or 3 episodes before going to bed. It helps so much to laugh together. Husbands can be frustrating and marriage is hard. But I figure it all worth it. Good luck with your husband! I'm anxious to read what others write!
Hi Kamee i found your blog and just wanted to say "Hello" your girls are darling and i hope you don't care if i peak on her once in awhile!
Firstly, I didn't know I was the "one guy" that reads your blog. That's funny. Doesn't Dallas ever read it? If not, I guess your safe with topics like this. LOL Secondly, I'm sure my wife's life would be perfect if I looked like that guy doing the ironing. :)
I'm no perfect hubby, so I doubt I'm qualified to say anything. Nonetheless, I have learned that bringing home the bacon seems to have less to do with giving the support that makes a home function effectively than what most of us guys would like to think.
I know if we lost my paycheck, it would definitely be noticed...but no matter what I accomplished at work, my day isn't over when I get home.
I agree with Mindy, keeping humor in the marriage is one of the most important things. I can't think of many better times than those we've spent laughing together.
Here are some other things off the top of my head that I know help (or are expected of me), in no particular order:
1) Take out the garbage.
2) Never try to tell my wife a different way to do the chores.
3) Notice and outwardly appreciate everything that was done around the house while I was at work.
4) Give my wife flowers, do random acts of kindness, and take her on meaningful dates regularly.
5) Set aside "mad money" for her, so she can go shopping for frivolous things once in a while.
6) Listen to her by actively and thoughtfully participating in her conversations and remember what she said.
7) Help with all the household chores regularly.
8) Spend meaningful one-on-one time with the kids.
9) Change diapers.
10) Control my temper to maintain peace in the home.
11) Always tell her she's beautiful. (Intimacy is a big deal too, but I won't get into that.)
12) Cook once in a while.
Really, the list goes on an on. That's the adventure in marriage...there's no end of ways to improve.
Next blog entry, I'd like to see what you women think makes us guys happy (or feel supported). :) Great topic, Kamee.
I'm the last person on the planet to give advice or put in my two cents on this subject. And I need to go to bed anyway. I'm just wondering where I can get on of those wind up ironing guys. HOT!
You're so funny April! Also, I love your background! I also realized that you are coming up on your 10 year anniversary! Holy cow! That is awesome!
Thanks, I designed it with my digi-scrap stuff. Yes we are coming up on the big 10. Hopefully he'll make it till then. He'll either die from whatever ails him or I'll kill him. K-you guys know I'm kidding right?
I dont want to make this a "Griffiths" page, but had to throw my two cents worth in. Having been married for 30 years now I should have lots to say, but...this is it- I wish I had learned 20 or 25 years ago what some of you know now. I especially like Holby's list, he's been paying attention and I think that is what women want most! I agree marriage is hard and takes work but it is so worth it!!!! And I am married to the man of my dreams and we are happy!
Yeah, so I should have seen this when you posted it.
Support from a hubby means more than just doing chores (altho that is fabulous, and expected if they want to keep you happily doing your end of things) but it means sometimes just "rolling over" to give us wives what we want, if it won't jepordize the children, family or home life in any real way.
It means standing behind the person you love when they do something stupid, and helping to pick up the pieces when they do.
And to sit and watch they're favorite shows, even if you don't like it that much (we both do that).
:)
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