To be or not to be.....

This is not going to be one of my posts about my beautiful girls or what fun we had over the weekend. So if you came to read about sugar and spice and everything nice you'll be greatly disappointed. I'm in the mood to vent about the social pressures that I and as well other mothers may feel. Is it wrong that I don't want to pop out ten more kids just for the coveted boy. Is it wrong for me to want to give my girls opportunities that they might not otherwise receive if they had to compete with a dozen more siblings. Don't get me wrong, to each her own, but we will never be rich, we are blue collar workers. My husband will never work enough or make enough for me to be apart of the high society of stay at home moms. Not that I want to. I'm not cut from that mold, I'm a worker, I find great satisfaction in getting myself up and ready along with my kids and be to my job by 7:30 every morning. I work by a schedule, I live by routine, my kids don't know any different, and if you notice I'm not dumping them on any available babysitter on the weekends to go indulge in whatever activities they can't be apart of. My weekends are dedicated to doing what some women have a whole week to do. My mother always told me, as she was a full time working mother as well, it's the quality of the time not the quantity. I am fortunate to have a job that I only work 4 days a week to give me that one extra day to spend with my family. I may not be home all day long throughout the week but you know, I still have a house and laundry and bills and responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Dinner is always ready and more often than not home cooked by six or earlier (if my husband has enough for thought to help). I'm just tired of a select few SAHM's looking down on me because I can't or don't stay home with my children. They must assume that my children are less cared for. On the contrary, I have a wonderful, no fantastic babysitter who takes care of a slew of "unfortunate" children who's mothers also have to work and you know, I know for a fact my children are better for it. Punkin in particular, and I won't brag, knows more than most 4 year olds. She's polite, smart, well socialized and yes nearly three and by no means an angel. But I know as a SAHM, the things that she is taught in her daycare are far beyond what I would even think of. We love our daycare provider, and even though she is at home, she is also a full time working mom with two kids of her own. So back to the aforementioned having more children to "give" my husband a boy, that's completely out of the question. I most days feel completely blessed to have such wonderful children, but on some occasions, I want to shoot myself. If my husband wants a boy, and he is by no means pressuring nor wants more children, he'll have to divorce me and find himself another baby mama.
The only thing that I struggle with that I wish was different is how to split my time between my children and my marriage. I constantly have to battle with myself on should I be a good wife or mother today. It's usually the latter. But if I was to be honest, my husband is probably a little more on the needy side than helpful. I love my husband, but let's face it, he's not cut from that perfect mold either. Maybe I'm not cut from a mold, maybe I was just thrown into a blob and am slowly forming myself into a shape that will never be duplicated.
And just so that I clear this up as not to offend, I do not look down nor disrespect my fellow mothers that get to stay home. You do have a hard job, but please don't complain to me how hard it is. I respect you for your choice and would hope you could respect me for mine. After all, aren't our goals all the same, to raise happy well adjusted families no matter what?