It's Out

As some of you may or may not know, Dallas and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary in June. Well, I need to be honest, and get something off my chest. We separated last month due to my husbands incessant need to drink. I was talking to my mom yesterday about how hard it is to keep things quiet without lying. We both agreed that being honest with people and myself will make things easier in the long run. She said that my post on our Anniversary made it sound like everything was just peachy. Maybe that was my way of hanging onto something we once had and hoping to have that again. I did, however, state in the last paragraph of our Anniversary post that life hasn't been easy the last few years. I'm sure it was easy to assume it was because we added children to our lives, but now you know it wasn't.
A couple weeks after our separation Dallas checked into a rehab program and seems to be doing really well. I remain cautiously optimistic but do hope for the best. I want him to be well again so that he can be the father he needs to be for his girls. I would love to keep my family together but that seems unlikely at this point. With drinking comes dishonesty among other things. I can honestly say that I think we had a pretty great marriage, with the obvious normal marriage problems, but when alcohol takes control of someone there is not much else a spouse can do. He has made some horribly disappointing choices and we would have a lot to work through to keep our marriage together. I do, however, refuse to make that decision without time to really think about the choice I need to make. I do love him and actually miss him, but I've been missing him for quite some time now. Before he left he was not the person I married and I was happy to see him go, but I can't stop thinking about how great our life could've been or could possibly be.
I'm not writing this for any reason other than to allow me to continue to blog or FB about things without worrying if I'm giving out to much info. So here it is, it's out. Now you'll know why I'm mowing the lawn, why I have to take the kids to the grocery store, and why I'm so tired all of the time. Not to say I don't have support. Of course my parents have always been willing to help, but also my brother and his girlfriend, as well as my brother and sister-in-law on Dallas' side. I absolutely would be lost if I didn't have their support, I just don't want to abuse it either.
Like I said earlier in my post, in the last paragraph of the Anniversary post, I also said that we said our vows in front of family and friends, for better or for worse. This is about as bad as it gets in my book. I still stand by my vows even if he didn't with his. I also still believe that marriage is for life...........we'll just have to see how that pans out.